Attachment Theory
“The quality of early attachments lays the groundwork for emotional regulation, social competence, and mental well-being throughout life." - John Bowlby
What is attachment theory?
If you don’t live under a rock, then you have probably heard of the 5 love languages. The “how” you need to be loved (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, or gifts).
Most couples and individuals end up stopping there, thinking they have solved the issue without asking the golden question…. “But why do I need to be loved that way?”.
Think of a cupcake, and the frosting of the cupcake is your love language. Now move to the cake part, your attachment style. Your why is your love language. Your attachment style explains and describes why you need to be loved that way.
How was Attachment Theory Formed?
The British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist. He described attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings." Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life.
The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to an infant's needs allow the child to develop a sense of security. The infant learns that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world. If you have ever heard of the need to “heal that inner child,” this is what they mean.
BOOM. Connection made. Sound Interesting? Let’s find out your style click on the quiz button to find out yours today!
What are the four attachment styles?
Secure Attachment Style: Secure attachment is like having a solid emotional backbone. Individuals with secure attachment styles feel confident both in themselves and in their relationships. They're comfortable expressing their needs and emotions, knowing they can rely on their partners for support when needed. Securely attached individuals have healthy communication skills and enjoy fulfilling, long-lasting relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style: Anxious-preoccupied attachment can feel like constantly second-guessing your worth in relationships. Individuals with this attachment style may worry about being abandoned or not being good enough for their partners. They may seek constant reassurance and validation, fearing rejection. Therapy can help individuals with anxious-preoccupied attachment learn to manage their insecurities, build self-confidence, and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style: Dismissive-avoidant attachment is like keeping others at arm's length while craving independence. Individuals with this attachment style may downplay the importance of close relationships and prefer solitude. They may struggle with intimacy and expressing their emotions, often feeling uncomfortable with emotional vulnerability. Therapy can help individuals with dismissive-avoidant attachment explore their feelings, overcome intimacy barriers, and develop deeper connections with others.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: Fearful-avoidant attachment combines the fear of rejection with the desire for closeness. Individuals with this attachment style may oscillate between wanting intimacy and fearing vulnerability. They may feel torn between seeking connection and protecting themselves from potential hurt. Therapy can help individuals with fearful-avoidant attachment understand their conflicting emotions, heal past wounds, and cultivate healthier relationship dynamics.